duck hunters joke

[steve7]

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.As she laid her pet on the table,the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.After a moment or two,the vet shook his head and sadly said,"I'm sorry,your duck,Cuddles has passed away".
The distressed woman wailed "Are you sure ?" "Yes,I am sure.Your duck is dead" replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure ?" I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything.He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes,turned around and left the room.He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever.As the duck's owner looked on in amazement,the dog stood on his hind legs,put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat.The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot.The cat sat back on its haunches,shook its head,meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said,"I'm sorry but as I said,this is most definitely,100 % certifiably,a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal,hit a few keys and produced a bill,which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner,still in shock. " $150 ! "she cried,$150 just to tell me my duck is dead !"
The vet shrugged, " I'm sorry.If you had taken my word for it,the bill would have been $20,but with the Lab report and the Cat Scan,it's now $150."

 

[19thagain]

I hope this will not offend ....




The Archbishop of Canterbury, The Royal Commission for Political Correctness and the Royal Commission for Racial Equality announced today that the climate in England should no longer be referred to as “English Weather”.

Rather than offend a sizeable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as:
'Muslim Weather' (Partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite)

 

[SocketRocket]

A woman goes into a Butchers shop and asks for a "Norfolk Duck".
The Butcher brings out a duck. The Woman puts her finger up the ducks rectum, sniffs it and says "this isn't a Norfolk Duck its an Aylesbury Duck".
The Butcher brings out another Duck. The Woman puts a finger in the Ducks rectum, sniffs it and says "This is not a Norfolk Duck its a Mulard Duck"
The Woman says "I think you are new around here, where do you come from"
The Butcher pulls down his trousers, bends down and says" Here you are, you tell me"