Dilemma RE Playing Partner

[Scrindle]

Hi all,

Looking for a bit of advice if possible - perhaps someone else has experienced this before and can offer a suggestion.

I have a regular playing partner and until recently rarely played golf with anyone else. He has a very temperamental personality on the golf course which will turn as soon as he starts to play poorly (and I mean poorer than usual - we're high handicappers we always play poorly! ). Recently this has become almost unmanageable and the 'final straw' was today.

6 holes before the end of what was just a friendly round he stormed off and went home leaving me to finish alone without even saying a word. He had a really poor round leading up to that point but in my opinion that kind of behaviour is just completely inexcusable. I would never even think of walking off and leaving my playing partner/friend, let alone actually do it, regardless of circumstance (and I have had some pretty appalling and frustrating rounds in the past!!). It just strikes me as rude.

Previously he's only ever done this once before but came back after a few minutes because he realised he was being an idiot. Maybe I'm over reacting but it really, really ****ed me off today to be honest.

I would just have a word but I've tried that before when he has embarrassed me on the course without any success and things are complicated somewhat by the fact that he is engaged to my sister of all people!!

We get on without problems off the course and he's become a very good friend but it's getting to the point now where I'd rather just play golf with other people. His temperament on the course is becoming tiresome generally due to his knee-jerk reactive personality once he has a golf club in hand, without him walking off like a tit, and I'm just a bit fed up with it.

Next time he suggests a game (probably next week or something) I will probably just have a dig so he knows it annoyed me and if he does it again thereafter I think I'm just going to tell him I don't want to play golf with him any more.

Thoughts? Am I overreacting or is walking off like that really as poor form and unsportsmanlike as I believe it to be (putting aside for a moment the club throwing and shouting)?

 

[Deleted member 15344]

First of all i dont thing you are overreacting at all - i remember my very first club champs someone walked in after 5 holes and left two of them out there.

The problem is how you now approach the manner - i guess the easiest way is to be blunt and tell him his attitude on the course is unacceptable and he either needs to change or he will run out of people to play golf with - think its time to be harsh but fair

 

[richart]

Just tell him straight. If he is a mate it shouldn't be a problem.

If he takes it badly tell your sister to ditch him.

 

[Evesdad]

Not acceptable at all so no you're not over reacting. As above you need to sit him down and spell it out that he is no fun to be around on the course. Sort himself out or find someone else to play with. Life is too short to put up with these antics!

 

[Scrindle]

Thanks guys. Nice to know I'm not overreacting!! You know what it's like when you think 'I'm pretty sure this is unacceptable but maybe I'm just being a bit precious...' ha ha!

I've tried talking to him before and it's an exercise in futility, unfortunately. It's a shame really because he's a decent chap off the course - just a complete tit when on it a lot of the time.

Time to tell him to find another playing partner until he sorts his attitude out I think...

 

[Hack-Man-Hob]

You play for enjoyment... this isn't fun. Not a chance you're over reacting you are completely justified. I reckon this is probably the turning point for him too, if it's the furthest he's gone temper wise I betcha he's regretting it and he will prob use it as a wake up call to accept his behaviour is unacceptable.

I've seen/heard a few different things from friends on the course, snapped clubs damaged greens and stomp offs and for all of them it was a catalyst for a change in attitude... my self included. (60" wedge ended up under a bus on the main road).

You say he's a decent fella off the course so stands to reason his own regret plus your obvious disappointment hopefully will be enough to turn it round.

 

[gripitripit]

Quite shocking if you ask me. I played with a mate last week. He played off 10-12 when he was member of a club. We both played crap. He hit over 100. He got annoyed at himself over some shots/lost balls but near the end we both just relaxed and laughed off the bad shots.
If your mate is gonna spit his dummy out and walk off the course when he having a bad day then I reckon you may need to find a new PP as it will soon take away your enjoyment of the the game.

 

[Foxholer]

Nope. Totally reasonable attitude - yours, not his.

Tell him he's ruining your enjoyment and to buck his ideas up!

I know of 2 other guys (one nick-named 'Tantrum Tim') who lose the plot like him, who PPs have told they won't play with because of his antics ruining their game. I just laugh, so no problem for me. Though going awol would not be appreciated!

 

[Slab]

I play with a guy that on more than one occasion I've vowed 'never again'... but I still play with him

Golf should not be stronger than a good friendship

By all means have a word/take the 'P'/hug it out, whatever you need to do really but it shouldn't stop you playing together

 

[thepodgster]

I am going against the wind here and maybe put it out there that you are overreacting a bit, but my thinking is as follows:

1. If he walks off and leaves you on your own to finish the round, although not good manners/behaviour by him you are going for a round of golf so does it really matter if you are on your own or with someone - I accept the social aspects of golf, but surely you are enjoying it if on your own or not.

2. Now this has happened a couple of times then dancing around the issue will not bring it to a head or make it go away and he needs to be aware that it fires your rockets when he does this. So either bring it up with him direct and chat about it (not at the beginning of a round!) to clear the air as he may not be aware how much it annoys you or you can have your little dig which will fly 30000 and climbing over their head and you will be back to square one.

I think most people are of the opinion to address the situation which will make for a more pleasant round.

 

[Dave B]

If you're both high handicappers and regularly play poorly why not approach it a different way, suggest investing in a course of lessons between you, including an on-course lesson which will help you manage the course better and avoid some of the pitfalls.

Not only would this help with your friends mishaps but it would also help you enjoy the game more.

If push comes to shove you need to be honest with your friend and tell him that you're tired of his tantrums and that his behaviour is ruining your enjoyment of the game. Personally I'd rather go out on my own and work on my game than go around with somebody who spoils it.

 

[Hobbit]

Send a link to this thread. If he reads so many people saying he'd a donk he might realise there rpobably a lot more who think it.

On a more serious note, do you want your sister marrying someone with such a temper? Next time he does it, kick him in the nuts. You wouldn't want his offspring in the family!

 

[sev112]

Yes he's unhappy - his golf obviously pees him off
You are unhappy - you don't like people being unhappy with their golf

So, you telling him that he is the source of your unhappiness, without cognisance of what is making him unhappy, might make you feel better but is unlikely to solve this issue. It will probably lead to him still being unhappy with his golf, you not having a regular playing mate, and possibly a family bust up too.

So, being right is all well and good, but doesn't usually solve many probs.

Don't threaten anything (eg "if you don't sort it out I'm not playing with you")
Instead, tell him that you feel unhappy that he hasn't been enjoying his golf, and have a talk about ways he might enjoy it more. As part of that chat, you can drop in that you felt rubbish that he walke doff, but it needs to be about helping him, rather than just being about you being miffed.

The world is full of ruined friendships and long standing grudges about nothing much
Whereas you may have an opportunity to really cement what seems to be an otherwise good family friendship by helping him get more out of his golf

Hope it works out between you

 

[Oddsocks]

While it's a touchy subject and one that's close to home he's also close enough to understand ( I'd hope anyway)

When he suggests a game next I would be blunt " why so you can strop out, walk off and leave me there on my own....no ta"

He's going to ask if your serious or something along them lines, and I'd return the comments that your golf time is limited to once a week or what ever, and you want to enjoy it with people who also want the same, not with stroppers who walk off. He will either offer to watch it seriously if he respects your honesty or winge about it....

 

[Beezerk]

First of all I did have a little chortle when I read he'd walked off but that's just me, no offence meant :thup:
Personally I'd maybe give him a miss for a few weeks, arrange some games with other guys if you can. Make sure he knows he's been acting like a turd, specially on a golf course, as already been said time to be honest with him . Some people learn from their mistakes...

 

[bladeplayer]

I wouldnt bother with the politics , you have tried to no avail to solve it and it didnt change ...

Tell him he needs to find anonther PP and you find someone who wants to enjoy their golf

 

[Scrindle]

Thanks for the replies all - definitely some food for thought.

I don't consider the golf to be more important than the friendship by any means, but it is at a point where his behaviour is spoiling my enjoyment of the game, as a few have pointed out, and I would rather play with other people currently as a result. I've tried talking to him directly about it before and it has no effect whatsoever which is why it has now got to this decision I have to make. I have a feeling that if I tell him I no longer want to play with him he'll either apologise and change over night or stop playing altogether.

I did actually laugh initially when it happened, purely because I couldn't believe how childish he was being :whoo:. But then it annoyed me.

Just to square off some of the good suggestions in this thread so far, I've tried speaking to him directly about his on course behaviour before and it has no effect, unfortunately. I've also told him to go and get some lessons but he hasn't and would rather spend money on a set of G25s (I suspect solely because I saved up and got fit for new irons - he's very competitive) thinking they would improve his game, which they haven't of course.


There have been plenty of times where my game has been so bad that I could quite easily have just walked off out of frustration, but it's just something that I would never, ever do. More out of respect for the person I'm playing with primarily (though to be honest I don't think I'd do it even if playing a solo round - it would just mean that I've lost the battle with myself ha ha!!).

I can't imagine it would end up in a family bust up - he's a bigger person than that off the course. It's funny how a golf club in hand can completely change peoples' personalities.

On reflection, one thing I suspect annoys him about my own game that may compound his situation is that I am relatively self controlled compared with the next person and I don't outwardly react to bad shots (or even good shots for that matter). I do internally, but you would never know from the outside - it comes from years playing poker! Even when I snapped my 4 iron on a tree a couple of months ago I just put it back in my bag and carried on like it hadn't happened. We have good fun on the course and a lot of talk/banter, etc... but I don't react to my actual game at all usually. Quite the contrast between the two of us in that respect and I suspect it messes with his head because he is outwardly very competitive whereas I keep my cards close to my chest, so to speak.

 

[rksquire]

After what I've seen over the weekend, the solution here is very simple:

Tell him to dump your sister - his attitude will be much 'more free' (according to Jacklin & Boxall) and his golf much improved. It worked for Rors!

 

[bladeplayer]

After what I've seen over the weekend, the solution here is very simple:

Tell him to dump your sister - his attitude will be much 'more free' (according to Jacklin & Boxall) and his golf much improved. It worked for Rors!

:rofl::clap:

 

[Scrindle]

After what I've seen over the weekend, the solution here is very simple:

Tell him to dump your sister - his attitude will be much 'more free' (according to Jacklin & Boxall) and his golf much improved. It worked for Rors!

And yet another drink covered monitor thanks to this forum! LOL!