Dementia Awareness

Tashyboy

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This morning we went to see the FiL and were there for a couple of hours. He was not in any discomfort and was just lying in bed, but breathing in such a way you know the time is getting close. When we saw this, we called his grandson to come over as it looked like it may be guys last chance. While we were there, the senior carer asked my missus to pop outside for a chat, which was basically asking about plans after he passed. We left about 2pm, and then got a call at 3pm to say he had just passed away. The good thing it, is it was as peaceful as it could be. We've just been up to see him so she could say her last goodbye.
At least now he is at peace and it is better than a long, drawn out, process.
Gutted for you and Missis Robster. ☹️ Thoughts with you all at this time.
 
D

Deleted member 16999

Guest
This morning we went to see the FiL and were there for a couple of hours. He was not in any discomfort and was just lying in bed, but breathing in such a way you know the time is getting close. When we saw this, we called his grandson to come over as it looked like it may be guys last chance. While we were there, the senior carer asked my missus to pop outside for a chat, which was basically asking about plans after he passed. We left about 2pm, and then got a call at 3pm to say he had just passed away. The good thing it, is it was as peaceful as it could be. We've just been up to see him so she could say her last goodbye.
At least now he is at peace and it is better than a long, drawn out, process.
So sad for you all, but now he’s at peace.
Condolences to you and your family.
 

Hobbit

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This morning we went to see the FiL and were there for a couple of hours. He was not in any discomfort and was just lying in bed, but breathing in such a way you know the time is getting close. When we saw this, we called his grandson to come over as it looked like it may be guys last chance. While we were there, the senior carer asked my missus to pop outside for a chat, which was basically asking about plans after he passed. We left about 2pm, and then got a call at 3pm to say he had just passed away. The good thing it, is it was as peaceful as it could be. We've just been up to see him so she could say her last goodbye.
At least now he is at peace and it is better than a long, drawn out, process.
Sorry for your loss. Best wishes to you and your family.
 

Liverpoolphil

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This morning we went to see the FiL and were there for a couple of hours. He was not in any discomfort and was just lying in bed, but breathing in such a way you know the time is getting close. When we saw this, we called his grandson to come over as it looked like it may be guys last chance. While we were there, the senior carer asked my missus to pop outside for a chat, which was basically asking about plans after he passed. We left about 2pm, and then got a call at 3pm to say he had just passed away. The good thing it, is it was as peaceful as it could be. We've just been up to see him so she could say her last goodbye.
At least now he is at peace and it is better than a long, drawn out, process.
Really sad news for you and your family

If it’s any blessing it’s good you got to say goodbye and he went peacefully
 

HomerJSimpson

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This morning we went to see the FiL and were there for a couple of hours. He was not in any discomfort and was just lying in bed, but breathing in such a way you know the time is getting close. When we saw this, we called his grandson to come over as it looked like it may be guys last chance. While we were there, the senior carer asked my missus to pop outside for a chat, which was basically asking about plans after he passed. We left about 2pm, and then got a call at 3pm to say he had just passed away. The good thing it, is it was as peaceful as it could be. We've just been up to see him so she could say her last goodbye.
At least now he is at peace and it is better than a long, drawn out, process.
Sorry to hear that. I've lost both parents and was always grateful I was told so I was able to be there in time to be with them at the end. Glad it was as peaceful as it could have been. If you need an ear to bend over the next few days and let off any steam PM me
 

toyboy54

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Robster....You both did everything you could-more than I could have handled.
Just hope you can both come out of this terrible long drawn out process in a better place than you've been-you gave so much of yourselves!
After all the formalities are past, then I hope you'll both be able to smile and have some 'you' time
Tak Tent
 

toyboy54

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Robster...the offer still stands in that if you and Mrs. Robster want cheered up then come down the hill to my place!!
You can play, the lady can walk, I'll duff way round, and you can both laugh and cheer up:giggle:
Oh yeah, I'll even buy the coffees and lunches!!
Call it a late Xmas:D
 

Robster59

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Robster...the offer still stands in that if you and Mrs. Robster want cheered up then come down the hill to my place!!
You can play, the lady can walk, I'll duff way round, and you can both laugh and cheer up:giggle:
Oh yeah, I'll even buy the coffees and lunches!!
Call it a late Xmas:D
Thanks and much appreciated. We may take you up on that when it all dies down.
 

Robster59

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Thanks to everyone for your kind replies. I'm more worried for my missus as at least the FiL is at peace. And my Stepson as his 'pappa' played a big part in his life. We talked about it and, horrible as it may sound, we think it's better it happened quickly rather than him having the long deterioration that we have seen happen.
 

Tashyboy

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Thanks to everyone for your kind replies. I'm more worried for my missus as at least the FiL is at peace. And my Stepson as his 'pappa' played a big part in his life. We talked about it and, horrible as it may sound, we think it's better it happened quickly rather than him having the long deterioration that we have seen happen.
One thing I picked up on this thread a good while ago was. Once the person with dementia moves on be it nursing home or worse. People get there lives back. When I read it I thought that it sounded brutal and harsh. The more I have seen my FIL deteriorate the more I have seen Missis T and the MIL Lose control of there’s. Those words have more meaning every day. All our parents have been around for Xmas dinner today. We are lucky to have all four. In laws came at 12.45. By 14.50 FIL was adamant it was time to go home. “ It was getting dark soon”. MIL was upset. She has all but lost her life keeping an eye on him. Last two years have been uncertain and crap. This year is certainly gonna be tough and crap. But well you have to roll with the blows. I hope one day you as a family can get some kind of life back.
Thoughts with you all,
Tash.
 
Last edited:

oxymoron

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Thanks to everyone for your kind replies. I'm more worried for my missus as at least the FiL is at peace. And my Stepson as his 'pappa' played a big part in his life. We talked about it and, horrible as it may sound, we think it's better it happened quickly rather than him having the long deterioration that we have seen happen.
My condolences at this horrible time.
You can be comforted in the knowledge you did all you could do in this vile situation and the next step is indeed hard but i have no doubt you will get through it .
You did your best for him and now your wife will need a little care but from what i have read you seem to be the man for the job , good luck and all the best
in the coming days and weeks as you begin to get back to a new normality .
 

Robster59

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One thing I picked up on this thread a good while ago was. Once the person with dementia moves on be it nursing home or worse. People get there lives back. When I read it I thought that it sounded brutal and harsh. The more I have seen my FIL deteriorate the more I have seen Missis T and the MIL Lose control of there’s. Those words have more meaning every day. All our parents have been around for Xmas dinner today. We are lucky to have all four. In laws came at 12.45. By 14.50 FIL was adamant it was time to go home. “ It was getting dark soon”. MIL was upset. She has all but lost her life keeping an eye on him. Last two years have been uncertain and crap. This year is certainly gonna be tough and crap. But well you have to roll with the blows. I hope one day you as a family can get some kind of life back.
Thoughts with you all,
Tash.
I wish you all the best going forward. You're in the middle of what we are just coming out of. Horrible as it sounds, it is something that you can feel as a weight off your back. Her FiL had lived in a granny flat at the back of the house for about 20 years, after her mother died. Most of the time he was compos mentis and was pretty independent but he was still always there. As his condition deteriorated, looking after him took more and more of our time, and he was left watching TV in his room for periods of time while we worked from home. As it happens this coincided with Covid so that sort of helped. When we first talked about the Care Home, I also thought it was a bit hard, almost like we were dumping him away. The truth is totally different. My missus did a lot of research before she decided on where was best for him, and it really was worth it. The Care Home was great for him while he was in there. He was looked after 24/7, he could walk around the building, interact with other people of his age (and made a few friends), and still had a room of his own to go with if he wanted some privacy. We know from things my FiL said that he didn't want to go down that road, and he knew his mind was going.
I wish you the best going forward. You have a lot to take on, and some tough decisions to make. We're all here if there is anything we can do to help.
Take care.
 

Tashyboy

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I wish you all the best going forward. You're in the middle of what we are just coming out of. Horrible as it sounds, it is something that you can feel as a weight off your back. Her FiL had lived in a granny flat at the back of the house for about 20 years, after her mother died. Most of the time he was compos mentis and was pretty independent but he was still always there. As his condition deteriorated, looking after him took more and more of our time, and he was left watching TV in his room for periods of time while we worked from home. As it happens this coincided with Covid so that sort of helped. When we first talked about the Care Home, I also thought it was a bit hard, almost like we were dumping him away. The truth is totally different. My missus did a lot of research before she decided on where was best for him, and it really was worth it. The Care Home was great for him while he was in there. He was looked after 24/7, he could walk around the building, interact with other people of his age (and made a few friends), and still had a room of his own to go with if he wanted some privacy. We know from things my FiL said that he didn't want to go down that road, and he knew his mind was going.
I wish you the best going forward. You have a lot to take on, and some tough decisions to make. We're all here if there is anything we can do to help.
Take care.
missis T has been around to her parents for a couple of hours today to talk about the dementia link person who is doing a video call tomorrow. missis T cannot be there. We are at a funeral. Anyway it kicked off over money again. The next step would be for him to go into a home one day a week or so. But, he went to a day centre where a bus picked him up and they did things during the day to stimulate them. He said he hated it and Kath/ Wife at home was missing him. He kicked off big style.Last meeting with the dementia link person, MIL said FIL was really enjoying it at the day centre. MissisT was livid and gave her mum a rollocking in front of the dememtia link person. Missis T said “ how can anyone make an assessment of me dad if you keep lying and covering up for him”. It later transpired that he had threatened to kick the windows out of the bus if the driver Di not get him home quicker.
Apart from him suffering with dementia he is now looking old and frail.The last three months have been brutal on his body.
 

Robster59

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Well.................
2 days after the FiL passed away, I got a call from my brother. My mum (98) who still lives at home, had a fall on the 4th. To give some background, my brother is her main carer, and she has an NHS carer come around once a day plus meals on wheels. Only a week before, I had seen my Mum as I was driving down to see my kids and spoke to my brother. He's 70, has a wife, daughter and granddaughter with learning needs, and it looks like it is really stressing him. I spoke to him separately and said he really needs more help, but he basically stonewalled me and said he's always done it this way, and isn't going to change now. I got in contact with social services and spoke to them about my concerns, and I was in this process when I got the call from my brother. Thankfully she had an emergency button which she pushed and help came around. They called my brother, who lives about a mile away, who came around. She had to wait for an ambulance, which then took her to the local hospital. She was then in A&E for a number of hours in a queue in a corridor before she could be seen and then was taken to a ward. Once on the ward, I rang to see how she was. The nurse on the ward said that she had been diagnosed with Early Onset Dementia, which came as a surprise to me. He also said she seemed to be shouting a lot (she is deaf so talks loudly) and was talking a lot (that's my Mum's default position!). Surprised at this, I called my brother, who also said he knew nothing about this. The following day I spoke to the main nurse on the ward who advised that it seemed the information I got the previous night was a bit overstated. On her arrival at the hospital, they had done a CT Scan because she had a fall, and an examination of the brain showed indications of Early Onset, but they can't officially confirm until they do the full dementia test. However, it didn't surprise me as we had seen the way my FiL got as he started on the dementia path. She is now struggling to walk and is having to go through physio before she can be returned home. We then got a call from the hospital yesterday to say that my Mum had contracted Covid. She is not showing symptoms as yet, but it is obviously a concern.
When she does return home she will have to have her number of carer visits upped to 4 a day so that is a battle I am having with Care and Social Services at the moment.
Still, we have experience of doing this with the FiL.
 

Piece

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This morning we went to see the FiL and were there for a couple of hours. He was not in any discomfort and was just lying in bed, but breathing in such a way you know the time is getting close. When we saw this, we called his grandson to come over as it looked like it may be guys last chance. While we were there, the senior carer asked my missus to pop outside for a chat, which was basically asking about plans after he passed. We left about 2pm, and then got a call at 3pm to say he had just passed away. The good thing it, is it was as peaceful as it could be. We've just been up to see him so she could say her last goodbye.
At least now he is at peace and it is better than a long, drawn out, process.
Best wishes. I/we know how you feel.
 
D

Deleted member 16999

Guest
Well.................
2 days after the FiL passed away, I got a call from my brother. My mum (98) who still lives at home, had a fall on the 4th. To give some background, my brother is her main carer, and she has an NHS carer come around once a day plus meals on wheels. Only a week before, I had seen my Mum as I was driving down to see my kids and spoke to my brother. He's 70, has a wife, daughter and granddaughter with learning needs, and it looks like it is really stressing him. I spoke to him separately and said he really needs more help, but he basically stonewalled me and said he's always done it this way, and isn't going to change now. I got in contact with social services and spoke to them about my concerns, and I was in this process when I got the call from my brother. Thankfully she had an emergency button which she pushed and help came around. They called my brother, who lives about a mile away, who came around. She had to wait for an ambulance, which then took her to the local hospital. She was then in A&E for a number of hours in a queue in a corridor before she could be seen and then was taken to a ward. Once on the ward, I rang to see how she was. The nurse on the ward said that she had been diagnosed with Early Onset Dementia, which came as a surprise to me. He also said she seemed to be shouting a lot (she is deaf so talks loudly) and was talking a lot (that's my Mum's default position!). Surprised at this, I called my brother, who also said he knew nothing about this. The following day I spoke to the main nurse on the ward who advised that it seemed the information I got the previous night was a bit overstated. On her arrival at the hospital, they had done a CT Scan because she had a fall, and an examination of the brain showed indications of Early Onset, but they can't officially confirm until they do the full dementia test. However, it didn't surprise me as we had seen the way my FiL got as he started on the dementia path. She is now struggling to walk and is having to go through physio before she can be returned home. We then got a call from the hospital yesterday to say that my Mum had contracted Covid. She is not showing symptoms as yet, but it is obviously a concern.
When she does return home she will have to have her number of carer visits upped to 4 a day so that is a battle I am having with Care and Social Services at the moment.
Still, we have experience of doing this with the FiL.
Best wishes and hopefully they’ll sort your mam out.
You’ve been through a torrid time as a family, great you are offloading on here, but make sure you chat to your missus as well. Stay safe.
 

Robster59

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Thanks to everyone for your comments. Just had another call from the hospital. Mum has fallen out of bed. A slight scrape but nothing serious. They've done another CT Scan, and she's OK, but they are now going to have to get a lower bed for her to use.
I think I'll send this off for a Coronation Street plot! :p
 
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