Dementia Awareness

toyboy54

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Robster--How's your wife doing? Has she managed to put the council (k)nob out of her mind yet?
I could suggest ( in a purely jocular fashion, of course) that you bring his details with you-you know, just in case I need to talk to him about a course in attitude adjustment before he comes to visit SWMBO and I to talk about options, should ( God forbid ) we need to speak to ERDC ( same council as you? )
Absolutely no excuses for his behaviour. wonder how he'd be if if it was him??
 

Tashyboy

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So Friday night I took me pate ts out for a pub meal. Dad's 85th. I won't see them for a couple of weeks so they get to go out under my watchful covid eye. Plan was to be in bed before 10 pm so I was rested before an early drive down south.
That went tits up when MIL called when I was taking parents home. It was hands free in car and MIL was hysterical " hes hit me, he's hit me". We got there asap. He was adamant never hit his wife but another woman, but he now realises it was his wife. Missis T told him we point blank you dont hit any woman. Social services were called by missis T. Problem is they called MIL today when we are away. Once more she plays it down.
Missis T although on a week's break is bloody livid.
 
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Lord Tyrion

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Tashy, I'm sure Mrs Tash is doing this already but do your best to speak to social services and others directly as much as you can. If you can build a relationship with them, explain the reality to them and then they will start to deal with you more. We got to that point and we then managed to accelerate things much better. Your MiL will still need to be involved but at least the people concerned will get a much clearer picture of what is happening and what is needed. Apologies if this is already happening.

Best of luck, blimey you are having a rough one.
 

Tashyboy

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Tashy, I'm sure Mrs Tash is doing this already but do your best to speak to social services and others directly as much as you can. If you can build a relationship with them, explain the reality to them and then they will start to deal with you more. We got to that point and we then managed to accelerate things much better. Your MiL will still need to be involved but at least the people concerned will get a much clearer picture of what is happening and what is needed. Apologies if this is already happening.

Best of luck, blimey you are having a rough one.
Only really scratching the surface. Me mum and dad who was in car when phone went. Mum.daid " we will come with you". She only wants to come to be nosey. Me dad understands what's going off and insisted we ring later to make sure we're OK. We did. Me mum insisted on talking to me and the first thing she said was " well did he hit her" . I was seething.
It has been aaaranged to have a second drugs assessment in 3 weeks why?
He is past drugs help..
Bro in law said he rang me and didn't know who his wife is. Missis T said she has 2 to 3 calls a night saying that. He didn't know.
 
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Lord Tyrion

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Only really scratching the surface. Me mum and dad who was in car when phone went. Mum.daid " we will come with you". She only wants to come to be nosey. Me dad understands what's going off and insisted we ring later to make sure we're OK. We did. Me mum insisted on talking to me and the first thing she said was " well did he hit her" . I was seething.
It has been aaaranged to have a second drugs assessment in 3 weeks why?
He is past drugs help..
Bro in law said he rang me and didn't know who his wife is. Missis T said she has 2 to 3 calls a night saying that. He didn't know.
It's a battle that most of us seem to have to fight in this situation. You can see what is happening, what is needed, the partner of the person with dementia refuses to. It must be hugely draining, and frustrating for Mrs T, also for you watching what it is doing to her. Hopefully you can persuade your MiL to put him into a home sooner rather than later. If he is hitting your MiL then I don't see the alternative at this stage.
 

clubchamp98

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The violence is really common, more than we think.
This is the really scary stage where you just hope nobody gets hurt before SS make a decision.
Unfortunately they still take the spouses word and can’t/ won’t overrule it.
My dad hid all the knives because my mum threatened him with one.!
Feel for your Mrs and you.
 

Tashyboy

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It's a battle that most of us seem to have to fight in this situation. You can see what is happening, what is needed, the partner of the person with dementia refuses to. It must be hugely draining, and frustrating for Mrs T, also for you watching what it is doing to her. Hopefully you can persuade your MiL to put him into a home sooner rather than later. If he is hitting your MiL then I don't see the alternative at this stage.
I made a point to Missis Ts sister last week..one I had picked up on here..dont wait until something serious happens before you look at putting him into care. It did not go down to well.
I started typing this out this morning. Since then her best mate from work sent a message saying his dad passed away yesterday so she has had half and hour on the phone with him. During that time her dad rang numerous times. On a positive the roads are not busy.
 

Robster59

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Saw my Dad a few days ago with one of my sisters. He wasn't looking great all, barely able to move or function.

Today, I got the message he had passed away peacefully. 😢

RIP Dad x
So sorry to hear that. I've been away and not had the chance to come on here so apologies for the late response.
 

Robster59

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Robster--How's your wife doing? Has she managed to put the council (k)nob out of her mind yet?
I could suggest ( in a purely jocular fashion, of course) that you bring his details with you-you know, just in case I need to talk to him about a course in attitude adjustment before he comes to visit SWMBO and I to talk about options, should ( God forbid ) we need to speak to ERDC ( same council as you? )
Absolutely no excuses for his behaviour. wonder how he'd be if if it was him??
She's not too bad thanks. She was very stressed leading up to us going on holiday (our first for nearly two years). However, the weather was good in the main, we got to see my son and it finished up as a nice relaxing holiday. While we were away we got a message from Social Services that we had been granted the full amount we're entitled to, backdated to the beginning of July. It only covers about 6th of the monthly fee, but it's a help. We've not heard anything from the berk who dealt with us after she complained and said she wouldn't speak to him again. Especially after he asked if we were going to rent out his grandad flat now he was gone! Before that he told her that he shouldn't go into the home till he had spoken to the FIL, even though we are self-funding. Git! I think from what my missus said, his boss wasn't impressed when she spoke to him.
It was ERDC so the main thing in all this is stand firm. Make sure you have your facts in place and know where you stand so they don't try to force you down a route you don't want to.
 

Robster59

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Only really scratching the surface. Me mum and dad who was in car when phone went. Mum.daid " we will come with you". She only wants to come to be nosey. Me dad understands what's going off and insisted we ring later to make sure we're OK. We did. Me mum insisted on talking to me and the first thing she said was " well did he hit her" . I was seething.
It has been aaaranged to have a second drugs assessment in 3 weeks why?
He is past drugs help..
Bro in law said he rang me and didn't know who his wife is. Missis T said she has 2 to 3 calls a night saying that. He didn't know.
It's hard as unless you are actually closely involved with a situation such as this, you don't really understand the pressure and issues that come from it. I've seen many a TV article on carers, and you feel for the person but until you are actually involved yourself, I don't really think that people fully understand the mental and physical stress that comes with caring for someone. Until your situation is resolved, you will continue to be getting the calls, the stress, the worries. I imagine you must be dreading it every time a phone rings. All I can suggest is just keep working to try and get support for putting him into a home better suited to his needs.
I saw my son when I was on holiday last week, he had been in to see my Mum and we both agreed that she should be in a home. But my brother who is the main person as he lives near, is hiding his head in the sand. I said to my lad I will probably be calling on him to back me up to try and get something resolved. I'm going to speak to social services separate to my brother as I may find they might say their attempts to get more assistance are being blocked by him.
 

Tashyboy

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I
It's hard as unless you are actually closely involved with a situation such as this, you don't really understand the pressure and issues that come from it. I've seen many a TV article on carers, and you feel for the person but until you are actually involved yourself, I don't really think that people fully understand the mental and physical stress that comes with caring for someone. Until your situation is resolved, you will continue to be getting the calls, the stress, the worries. I imagine you must be dreading it every time a phone rings. All I can suggest is just keep working to try and get support for putting him into a home better suited to his needs.
I saw my son when I was on holiday last week, he had been in to see my Mum and we both agreed that she should be in a home. But my brother who is the main person as he lives near, is hiding his head in the sand. I said to my lad I will probably be calling on him to back me up to try and get something resolved. I'm going to speak to social services separate to my brother as I may find they might say their attempts to get more assistance are being blocked by him.
MiL got a phone call.whilst we were away last Monday. Bottom line, they are looking at getting FIL into some kind of respite care 1 day a week at the moment with them both going to groups that deal with dementia/ alziemers. This has been mentioned before but MIL has not chased it up when suggested to her.
 
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