Business Consultant Speak

[SwingsitlikeHogan]

We've probably all seen examples of consultant speak that have made us laugh, puzzle over or scoff at - maybe you've been sad enough to have played 'Buzzword Bingo' - and maybe you think they are really just a bit made up and exaggerated. OK - well I've just received the following from a business consultant - I quote...

'blah, blah-de-blah...Respond to a general trend for IT consumerisation in the Enterprise
...I want to manage an arborescence of folders and documents'

OooooKay?

 

[CMAC]

let's just run that phrase up the flagpole and see who salutes it!

 

[Doon frae Troon]

At the end of the day, does it really matter.

I am proud to say that I have had many run in's with golf consultants. Nearly all of the ones I have had dealings with were clueless.
One annoyed me so much that I gave him some duff information and found it included in his national report.
I also 'spun' an idea to another to find it headlines in the local paper and the towns residents up in arms, thankfully both cases were not able to trace the info back to me.

 

[patricks148]

If you think Business Consultants are bad Try Advertising Exec and account managers.

Was down in London last week at meetings with these and most of the time i had no idea what they were talking about

 

[Bomber69]

If you think Business Consultants are bad Try Advertising Exec and account managers.

Was down in London last week at meetings with these and most of the time i had no idea what they were talking about

Were they telling you to hit it up the middle Old Boy:lol:

 

[Paul_Stewart]

"Put that in your goldfish bowl and let it swim around for a while" - Gus. Drop the Dead Donkey.

 

[CallawayKid]

Moving forward I would like to propose that high-quality learning environments are a necessary precondition for facilitation and enhancement of the ongoing learning process...

Believe me, I have had many examples in the aviation world...my old boss used to tell me to look at it from the customer's prospective....

CK

 

[mcbroon]

Anybody who talks to me about 'synergies' inadvertently hits my off switch. I instantly stop listening to them and start thinking about how I'm going to play the 8th on Saturday.

 

[Khamelion]

I had a boss at my old place or work, who used to love the odd buzz word and he'd often throw in a bit of 'blue sky thinking' or 'thinking outside the box' and numerous others.

On once occasion he was giving a 'town hall' meeting to all the staff and his little speech was littered with buzzwords as he was coming to the end the buzzwords were still come out and then someone from the back shouted HOUSE, which finished his speech as everyone creased laughing.

 

[Hobbit]

The great thing about fora is it's a fantastic medium for cascading this sort of thing to all the stakeholders.

 

[Khamelion]

We require some strategic thinking to pull together a quick win for the current outages; Can we establish a swot team to target the fundamentals of what's going wrong.

 

[rickg]

thankfully both cases were not able to trace the info back to me.

.....................until now!! :rofl:

 

[Doon frae Troon]

.....................until now!! :rofl:

OH no, don't let them know I wanted to close a golf course and build houses.
And
I really do think that 120,000 rounds of golf a year on a golf course is possible. [honest]

Too many moons have past now!

 

[SwingsitlikeHogan]

The great thing about fora is it's a fantastic medium for cascading this sort of thing to all the stakeholders.

nah - you don't cascade things these days if you want comments - you socialise them.

 

[Imurg]

Errr....

Sorry
Haven't got the faintest idea what anyone's saying........

I just nod and smile when I hear this sort of thing.

Conversational Gonads I call it.........

 

[Paul_Stewart]

I had a boss at my old place or work, who used to love the odd buzz word and he'd often throw in a bit of 'blue sky thinking' or 'thinking outside the box' and numerous others.

On once occasion he was giving a 'town hall' meeting to all the staff and his little speech was littered with buzzwords as he was coming to the end the buzzwords were still come out and then someone from the back shouted HOUSE, which finished his speech as everyone creased laughing.

I've played that one. We also did one in Vegas once where this American VP was well known for saying "great" way too often. So we ran a sweep on how many times he would say it in his keynote 40 minute speech. When he went to sit down (the count was 22), the guy with 23 yelled out "MORE!" in an audience of about 5,000. Unfortunately he did do a few minutes more and the count went to 25. There were $20 bills all over the floor from the people in the sweep.

 

[SwingsitlikeHogan]

Errr....

Sorry
Haven't got the faintest idea what anyone's saying........

I just nod and smile when I hear this sort of thing.

Conversational Gonads I call it.........

Indeed - but as I said in my OP - I actually received that stuff from a BC this morninig. I can just about guess the 'IT consumerisation' bit but had to look up 'arborescence' - though this definition didn't really help me much...

An arborescence is a directed, rooted tree in which all edges point away from the root. Every arborescence is a directed acyclic graph (DAG), but not every DAG is an arborescence.

 

[Paul_Stewart]

"Flying air cover" - will support you in the future.

 

[SocketRocket]

Well in the words of the great George Bush; "Fantasticisation"

 

[Foxholer]

...but not every DAG is an arborescence.[/I]

Where I come from, dags are what hang out the back end of sheep and can get fly-blown! Seems appropriate to me!

Had an American (ex NFL quarterback, so serious ra-ra) boss at the first place I worked in UK. There were plenty of <his-name>-isms.

'Grabbing the whole ball of wax and hitting the road running' was the expression that stuck in my mind.