A wee joke, no its not a link to Bunkers swing!!!

T

thecraw

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The stranded Irishman

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's certainly not a ship"

As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft. Suddenly there from the surf strides a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!

She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?"

"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter. He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the castaway, “0A that is so good! I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Bushmill's Irish Whiskey?" asked the blonde.

Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."

Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.

He opened the flask and took a long drink. "Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. "Tis truly fantastic!!!"

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!”
 

drawboy

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In a similar vein
A guy had been shipwrecked on an island for 3 years with only a dog and a pig for company. One day as he was walking through the camp he was amazed to see the pig wink suggestively at him. He tied the pig to a tree and was ready to do the biz when the dog started growling viciously at him, OK, sez the man, keep yer hair on pooch and he backed off the pig. A week later he was walking along the beach when a canoe with a nubile young girl in it came around the headland. She landed on the beach and said to the man. How long have you been here? 3 years replied the fella, flipping heck I bet you are lonely eh? sez the native girl, Not half said the shipwrecked bloke. Well Is there anything I can do for you? said the girl provocatively. Not half said the guy, you couldn't take my dog for a walk for half an hour could you!!
 

Smiffy

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A very raw, (just out of Sandhurst raw), army Captain is put in charge of a small outpost in the desert.
After about 3 weeks with no female in sight, he asks his sergeant what the men do to relieve their "natural" urges.
"Well Sir, we have a donkey tied up around the back, and if things get really desperate the men will arrange to have a go at that".
"Arrange?" queried the Captain. "Why on earth do they have to arrange it, you'd think they would want to do it on the QT""
"Well" said the Sergeant, "the donkey gets rather annoyed at being taken advantage of and will try to bite whoever is behind it, so it takes two or three men to hold the donkeys head still"
"Oh I see" said the Captain.
Anyway, a few weeks later, the Captain himself is feeling rather frustrated, so "arranges" for the Sergeant and a couple of other soldiers to hold the donkeys head while he gives it a good pasting.
He's banging away, just getting on the vinegar strokes and cries to the others "let it's head go, let it's head go"
"Why?" shouts the Sergeant, "he'll try to bite you"
"I want to kiss it".
 
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