It was delivered to me as a fairly conventional "Little Mermaid" scene, a mermaid with flowing hair, sitting on a rock in a little bay, with gentle waves, gazing towards a setting or rising Sun. I’m starting to have second thoughts. I look over my preliminary sketches and studies. I have waves, corals, rocks, female shoulders, but I just can’t feel that scaly butt and fins. What if I just made her a nude woman instead? It’s a little inconsistent, I think, that as much as I love spending my personal time nude, and I’m naked now as I sit at the computer staring at Inkscape, that I rarely feature nudes in my paintings. Most of my figures wear flowing gowns or classical draperies.

The thought comes to me that I want to do nudes. I want to do lots of nudes, in different positions. I want to do male and female nudes, full frontal, graphically displayed. I want to draw lovingly detailed penises, vaginas, pussies, cocks. I want to paint erotica. Fuck that, I want to do hard-core pornography. I want to detail the faces of women in the throws of orgasm, heads thrown back, mouths open in shrieks of passion. I want to illustrate the fierce triumphant bellow of a man in mid-ejaculation, just before his roar turns to a sigh. How can I differentiate these expressions from those of pain and anguish? Is it all a matter of context, or is there some subtle clue that shows in the faces unique to the sexual experience?

That always leaves me with a backup on Monday – bills, emails, browsing over the sites of other artists I follow, and then getting down to my own ideas. My latest commission is more orgasms. Keep my eyes focused while I or my partner cums. Watch more porn. Not commercial porn, though. Those orgasms are largely if not almost entirely faked. I need someone to video my face while I cum. Jo might. Unfortunately, the last cumshot she did showed only the genitals. Maybe I could shoot her having an orgasm. Maybe we can catch some of our men in the act. There should be opportunities for study. It’s a worthy cause, it’s art! Smiling, I go back to my current study. Erotica is for another commission, I need to figure out how to make this one work.
February 28